Today is International Women´s Day and I can clearly say, that I am proud to be a woman. But being a woman isn´t always easy in the times we´re living in. It seems that we still need to prove that we are worth equal pay, that we are worth getting jobs we often do way better than any male human could. In some parts of the world being a girl or woman means simply, that we are worthless. That we don´t deserve a proper education, not to mention the right to learn to read and write or that we have a voice.
I was raised that my voice was important, that I should use her and that I am a valuable person who has a right to live her own life, no matter if a man is involved in it or not. Years later I found out, that some men were either shocked or felt threatened too much to spend time with me or get involved with me in a personal relationship. I heard things like “You are way too strong for my taste” or “I don´t like that you are having your own opinion”.
Guess, I was around eighteen when I learned the painful way, that I would need a certain kind of man in my life if I was ever going to have a long-lasting and loving relationship. The man, if there was ever one meant for me, needed to be strong. Not in the way that he would have to be a bodybuilder, no, but one with a healthy self-confidence that wouldn´t make him feel less manly only because I was using my brain to decide what to do, when and how. And to be honest, those men are rare.
But enough of that.
Today I got told, that whenever I showed up, I would have a broad smile on my face and that people saw me as sunshine that was lighting up their day. I don´t see myself like that. And if you would ask my family, they wouldn´t agree either. That doesn´t mean that I am playing a role while running my errands or that I am trying to be someone else.
No, not at all.
I think that it is my reaction to other people that makes them think that I am always the smiling and funny girl. Whenever I see the woman behind the counter at the grocery store, I simply must smile – because she is always smiling. Today it was like bathing in warm water, and after the past fourteen days of huge sorrow, it felt literally great to see that smile and get back to normal life and daily routine.
I might not be the perfect woman or as successful as other women are. But I don´t have to be. And that is good. I am the woman who I am, the person who I am because of all the good and bad things that have happened in my life.
I am REAL.
Till next time & happy reading
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